
A Mindful Approach To Understand Acceptance
In life, I have learned that there are three possible things you can do when you encounter a difficult situation. You can either change it, leave it, or accept it. In this post, we will tackle the last choice we often do which seems to be a tough road to walk into. So let’s talk about one principle of mindfulness: acceptance.
People commonly find this very difficult to do. It’s the mindfulness principle we all seem to struggle with because, as humans, we often let our emotions get ahead of us.
And in the case of accepting something, research says it doesn’t naturally come as our primary reaction. M.L. Cooper wrote an article about the 4 stages of acceptance, wherein there is an initial deniability of the situation before the actual acceptance stage.
This means that sometimes, learning how to accept something takes time. It gets harder as people always perceive this a concept similar (what the article further explains) with the words “resignation” and “passivity.”
If you’ve read my second mindful practice journal entry, you will know that I struggle with acceptance too.
Mindfulness always teaches us to focus on the now. But what if you are having a hard time accepting what’s happening now? May it be an emotion or a situation. How can we really learn to accept the things that happen to us?
Luckily, all things can be simple if we want it to be. I wrote this post to hopefully break down the concept of acceptance, with a mindful approach, and possibly know the reasons why we often find acceptance so hard to achieve.
Reasons Why Sometimes it’s Hard To Achieve Acceptance
In conflict with our beliefs
Acceptance isn’t necessarily about you and your foundations. It isn’t about disrespecting your beliefs as a person. When we make all situations about us, we struggle with acceptance because we think that we’d have to drink down our pride, abandon what we believe, and allow a different idea to take over us.
We tend to say, “I can’t” because truthfully, subconsciously, we really don’t want to submit to the fact that accepting something can be good for us. An article in psychology today suggests that [self-] acceptance is hard to do on this matter because “we believe we’re giving up control.”
It’s important to know that acceptance is different from losing control yet they can be incorporated together. In fact, acceptance is an answer to those things out of our control. You can read my guest post on Jirah’s blog about what having no control feels like.
We let our emotions get ahead of us
Maybe we feel betrayed, disappointed, or angry. Those emotions can really stay inside us for a long time. Along with grief and other strong negative emotions, these can lead us blinded and forget that there is a way to move past through it. As a result, we become stuck in the first denial stage of acceptance.
This is why mindfulness goes hand-in-hand with acceptance. Becoming mindful means that we have to understand how difficult situations can be beneficial for us, that we value the bigger picture– growth and acceptance– more than what our emotions could do to us.
Although we have tackled how to avoid becoming too emotionally involved, and how our emotions can negatively affect us, understanding acceptance is quite different.
We believe that acceptance is often the last resort for our problems
“You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole–like the world, or the person you loved.”
Stewart O’Nan
Admit it, it’s easier to let go and leave it all behind when we encounter a tough circumstance. Changing it, on the other hand, can be stressful too. What about those things we can’t change? What about those problems we can’t leave behind?
Well, I can’t blame you. Some problems are very hard to deal with that our minds’ initial responses would be to get away from it or not think about it.
- Related post: How To Mindfully Deal With Setbacks In Your Life
Sometimes we don’t have the courage
Lastly, sometimes we just don’t have the courage to do it snap just like that. We get disheartened, we feel as if we don’t deserve to achieve it, and sometimes we feel like acceptance is the hardest thing we could do.
Well, yes. Not all people are strong enough to accept those that hurt them; not all are brave enough to face every situation head-on. Those who do, already know how things work.
These are just some of the possible reasons why we struggle with understanding acceptance. Furthermore, no matter what reason we have, whether we’re scared, proud, or simply not a fan of it, acceptance can be a powerful thing to use if you want to change how you look through life.
I have read an awesome article from tiny buddha about The Power of Acceptance. It teaches us a lot about cultivating acceptance and its ability to change how we cope with our future challenges, in this life of uncertainty.
Breaking it down: Acceptance on a microlevel
The first step in dealing with acceptance is to understand the root of the situation, and if possible, to understand the reasons why we feel adamant towards the idea of it.
With these things considered, one of the possible reasons why we so struggle accepting is because of the feelings or emotions that these situations give us.
We’ll be looking at acceptance on a microlevel, starting from one single emotion that a situation or circumstance could give us.
The emotion that you developed because of a situation or a problem you find hard to accept. Focus on that and on how your body carries that emotion.
Do not yet focus on you and your ability to overcome. Don’t set your mind into expecting something to happen faster, like maybe getting over that emotion. As we break it down along this post, hopefully, this will help you understand acceptance on a deeper, more meaningful level.
Give it some space
Giving that emotion some space doesn’t mean that you have to get in terms of what’s currently happening to you. This only means that you have to allow that emotion or situation to be there.
Give it some space in you, and don’t resist what you currently feel. Don’t even try to change what you feel. Rather, become aware of that specific feeling.
Welcome your emotion as it is– raw and full of truth. Because that’s who we are. We feel things and we develop emotions and behaviors because of it. But this doesn’t mean that our emotions are who we are, no.
We are not our thoughts and feelings. We are the ones who mindfully observe them and notice that they exist as part of human nature.
Understand and acknowledge that it exists
You have to understand that this emotion is existing right now and that more importantly, like all other emotions, it will eventually go. Embrace all things as they come.
If it helps, try to also understand why you feel that way. Finding the reason or purpose of why some things happen will, in no doubt, help you achieve acceptance much easily.
Being honest with yourself helps you understand why you feel the things you feel. Take a step back and look at everything from a different view. Say to yourself that this is what you feel right now.
- Related Posts: 10 Things You Should Know About Mindfulness Meditation
Give it some power to exist. If you deny that you feel that way, it simply implies that you are resisting yourself from moving on. How can you move on when you don’t want to acknowledge how you feel?
Give that emotion some acknowledgment, and do not discredit what you feel because we are human. Denial is not helpful. We feel what we feel, and we can’t stop it. We can only try to understand and make the most out of it.
Be Patient With Yourself
Yeah, all of this might seem easier said than done. So, this is why you have to have patience. More importantly, when your emotions are heavier ones like grief, sadness, or depression. It will take longer days to finally learn to accept those emotions. So, let all those come and address them mindfully.
Give yourself some time to think and analyze all of it, and respond to those with compassion and understanding.
All things, good or bad, come and go.
Let yourself feel what you have to feel.
Acceptance on a bigger view
Now that we’ve figured how to deal with our initial emotions when struggling with acceptance, we’ll further talk about how these could affect the bigger picture.
What can this simple trait do for us? What can it teach us? How does it really work?
Acceptance takes place now
In my previous post on the things you can learn from practicing mindfulness, I have included acceptance and explained how it takes place at the moment.
Similarly, if we wish to use it for our future encounters, maybe change or approach things in our lives differently, we can start by accepting things as they are at this moment especially if it’s the only thing we can do.
This means that you must not dwell on what happened in the past, and not expect something to happen at once. Mindfully speaking, you have power over your emotions, neither in the past, nor in the future, but now.
You have the upper hand over the things you currently feel when you are in a situation. If you keep fighting it and resist accepting what happened, you only create distress for yourself.
Acceptance causes less suffering
When we learn to acknowledge what we feel, we don’t have to deal with the pain much heavier. Although accepting something doesn’t guarantee that the pain will not be remembered anymore, it still gives us some sense of integrity reminding us that we are still the same despite having to feel certain emotions.
We keep thinking that when we accept something, we must take it all in. It’s like eating the food that we hate so much! But no, it doesn’t work that way. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to like what you’re current situation is, and that you have to stay that way forever.
It’s similar with making peace with what you currently feel.
Have you ever had that moment in your life when you find it so hard to take-in what’s happening? What steps did you take? We’re you able to comprehend what acceptance really means?
If you liked what you just read, like and maybe share this with your friends. Place a comment down below and let me know what you feel. 🙂
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55 Comments
Salonie Malhotra
When I’m going through tough times like this current crisis I tend to engage myself in being productive. Now, that can be anything and everything, for instance cleaning the house, organising my study area, gardening, planning out my to do list. With this, I trick my mind to forget about the shitty stuff happening right now and develop on something which we help me in the long term.
Elle
Wow, this is a good idea too! If it helps, when we take time to internalize and understand the things currently happening around, we can take advantage of the things we feel and transform it in an effective way to reduce stress or anxiety. 🙂
judeitakali
Lovely advice Elle
Elle
Thanks, Jude! Very sweet of you. 🙂 <3
judeitakali
My pleasure 🌼
Elle
🥰
chasingthemaximumlife
This is really an inspiring an amazing post Elle. Acceptance is a very important thing that one should understand well.
Elle
Thank you so much for your kind words! <3 I appreciate it, and you! 🙂 <3
chasingthemaximumlife
Most welcome dear. ☺️
Nabeela
Acceptance is very important in our life….
Elle
Yes, it leaves us happy and contented when we achieve full acceptance on every moment we encounter, no matter bad or good. 🙂 <3 Thank you mommy Nabeela for sharing! hihi
Nabeela
Mommy Nabeela😭😭😭
Elle
I figured you prefer I would call you Nabeela instead, sorry I thought it can be somewhat of an endearment. 🙂 <3 I tend to be awkwardly sweet. I hope you understand. In that case, a "thank you Nabeela" would be much better. Hihi! <3
Nabeela
Ha ha…. So much explanation…. I am feeling better now….😆😆😆
Elle
Hahaha I’m happy you are, wooh! 😀
Nabeela
😂😂😂
Nawazish
Lovely advice!!
I have a small request to make…please check out my blog when you have time 🤗🤗
Elle
Thank you! Sure, will do. 🙂
Nawazish
Thanks a ton!!🤗🤗
Kellie
Great post Elle, really good tips to help us be mindful of emotions and move on, thanks for sharing 😊
Elle
Awwe thank you, Kellie! Love the suppooort. Hugs to you! ☺️🤗🤗
Karen
Great advice!!
I often forget to give myself the same patience i give to everyone else & end up being really harsh on myself. So this was a lovely reminder that it’s okay if things take time to accept
Karen x
Elle
Thank you, Karen! It’s definitely okay, I find this pretty hard to do too, but it is important to be patient with what you feel ☺️
Alison
The advice to acknowledge our emotions is so important. Often we try to deny them and push them down, to our detriment. Great tips 🙂
Markus + Micah
Excellent advice. Space and patience cannot be highlighted enough. There is no rush, and usually, things fall into place once we calmed down. I always visualize a river – when it is calm, it is easier to see.
Elle
Thank you so much! Indeed, we shouldnt rush, we have a lot of feelings going on inside us. That’s good! I liked what you did and visualized it into something that will make you understand acceptance more. Thank you for this! ☺️
julie
I really appreciate this post, especially the general idea of acceptance–and that acknowledgment that it’s okay to sit with an emotion and all it to be, rather than trying to push it away or fix it. Thank you.
Elle
Thanks so much! I’m happy you were able to appreciate it. <3 Yes, I thought that acknowledging your feelings was really essential too. 🙂 You're welcome, Julie!
Baby Boomer Super Saver
This reminds me so much of meditation practice. During meditation, I use mindfulness to acknowledge the unwanted thoughts that pop up, and then release them. The thoughts are not good or bad, they are just thoughts. I accept that I’m going to experience them, and when I do I’m able to refocus on my breath to continue my practice.
Elle
Mindfulness has really been the foundation of all my growth this past year and I’m very thankful for it. 🙂 I’m glad you practice this too and able to apply this in your life. Thank you so much for your thoughts. Have a great week ahead. x
Not-So-Modern-Girl
I’m definitely guilty of letting my emotions get away from me, and I tend to make rash, emotional decisions before I take a step back and act more rational. And I think that can definitely be applied to acceptance 🙂 I’m going to try and be more mindful after reading this post, thanks for sharing!
Elle
Emotions can really be hard to control especially in difficult situations! 😅 But all things can be learned if we have the willingness to do so. I believe this can be helpful if you’re having a hard time. 😊🌻 Less control and more of an embrace to what you’re currently feeling. Cheers, Eleanor!
Jeanna Kay
This is a great post. I think sometimes when we accept something we internalize it as defeat.
Elle
I agree! In which case can be misleading and the more we think of it as a defeat the longer we resist ourselves from accepting. Thanks for being here, Jeanna. 😊🌻
Jaya Avendel
Acceptance is one of my favorite words and practices. It comes before so many things because a lot is born out of acceptance. I love that you share your thoughts on the benefits of and the journey it takes to reach acceptance! 🙂
Elle
I agree, acceptance can provide us more big things along the way. 😊 Oh, you’re welcome, Jaya! I’m glad you enjoyed reading. 🌻
Kelly Diane
This was such an interesting post to read. I did to learn to be better at accepting things. I’m forever trying to fix things or argue a point if I’m passionate about it when sometimes thats wrong in certain situations.
Elle
I agree with you, there are some things you can’t do anything with but accept. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kelly. x
Jeny
Great article. This helped me to take courage in accepting things which are difficult sometimes. keep sharing more content like this!!
Beaton
Accepting my limits but without feeling like I gave up.. This I struggle with.
~B
Sarah Tucker
Exceptional writing here – really pondering on that emotion piece. It’s fascinating how much emotional intelligence leads to the ability to be ones best self. Being driven by emotion is never healthy but gracious, it can be hard to pause and remember in the midst of adversity.
Great post ❤️
Elle
I agree with you, it can be hard and some people still need therapy for it, just imagine. Our emotions can really outstand in certain situations. But knowing and being aware of it is one helpful step towards improvement. Thank you so much for sharing this, Sarah. I’m glad you’re here. 🙂 xx
E
Very insightful. Thank you for posting
Elle
You’re welcome! xx
Lexi
It’s so hard for me to accept certain things (like the state of the world right now), but it is so important to learn to accept the things you can’t control and only focus on the things you can. Thanks for sharing <3
Elle
I agree with you and I think you are doing the right thing! Those we can’t control we accept and make the best out of it by focusing on the things you can control on the matter. I love the spirit, Lexi! 🙂 Thanks for your thoughts! xx
Nourhan Sabek
loved it (Y)
Elle
Thank you! 🙂 xx
CrazyFitnessGuy
I need to practice more mindfulness
Margarida
Thank you so much for sharing these valuable tips with us.
Elle
Oh you’re very much welcome, love! 🙂 xx
thoughtsandphotosblog
Great post
Elle
Thank you so much! 🙂 xx
Vinn
It really takes time for acceptance, especially when facing death of a loved one. We know that they are in a better place, but sometimes their absence is so painful. It’s a process and a matter of time for the pain to slowly subside and hopefully come to terms with it.
Elle
I agree with you, Vinn. Time and Acceptance really go well together and one should be patient and understanding to be able to subside and accept what they feel. 🙂 Thanks for being here, and for sharing your thoughts. xx