Unpopular Opinion: 2020 officially sucks.
I have been on a fucking rough patch, ladies and gentlemen. These past days have been so hard for me to overcome. It’s been literally six days that I haven’t figured out the next thing to do in my life. Six days I have been stagnant, felt stuck on a dark day that repeats again and again every time I wake up. Anxious for all reasons or no reason at all, internally panicking while externally being passive, and not knowing exactly how I feel. Ever since my MPJ Entry 2 I tried to endure the next coming days and yes, I was okay for awhile, but now I don’t even know how to get back up.
My family and I have lost 4 dogs in a span of six days–2 of them had gone just today, and the 5 little ones, I prefer to say recovering here at home with an intravenous treatment attached to their petite forelimbs. Canine parvovirus is a serious disease of dogs in early ages. I have watched two of my dogs pass away on my watch and I feel so useless considering that this is supposed to be what I’ll do when I graduate but now, I just feel hopelessness and so much disappointment in myself. I have seen my mama cry and my siblings too, quietly.
My heart aches. I haven’t been sleeping well because every now and then we check on them, I haven’t had the time to study well for my classes, to go back on my routine, to eat well and on time, had to suck up to my papa‘s mentally agonizing words last night and controlling myself from being on the verge of an outburst but ended up crying because apparently, I’m too tired to dispute.
All of this while living in a country taunted by the fear of having a martial law declaration, injustices, fellow kababayans who continuously fight against Terror Bill implementation, being under a pandemic situation that seems to be going on for too long–giving birth to the words “new normal in 2020”, and the battle against racism all in all feels like I have been living my days too fast and too senseless without ever having to start or finish something. This year has been shaking all of humanity down in every unbelievably possible way it can. Again, I say, my heart aches.
It’s just all been really hard for me to keep both oars in the water. It seems though that we feel each day as becoming more and more comfortless. Still, despite of all the things we currently go through with our family, ourselves, every silent battle, every protest, every voice unheard, and all the things we continue to bear with and surmount, we must outlive each day.
I shall end this with an uplifting quote for all of those powering through.
With all the love,